Excellent Book!
Reviewer: A reader from CT 

  This book was part of our required reading for our home study. After reading some of the poor reviews I wasn't looking forward to reading it. Once I started reading it I couldn't believe how much information was is in this book. This book can certainly help you decide which adoption route is for you. It explains the adopted child's emotions from infant to teen and how to handle them. It explains the different issues you may be faced with in domestic, international, infant, older child, inter-racial, and special needs adoptions. Helpful hints regarding how different countries may cared for your child which may explain why what you're doing isn't working. How long it may take for an infant to adjust to your time zone. It even tells you how to respond to those rude or nosy questions/comments from your friends, family, co-workers, and strangers! This is a great book to read no matter where you are in the adoption process from just thinking about it to completed it!

   If you only plan to read one book about adoption, make it this one! It covers pretty much everything you would need to know about the emotional impact of adoption, from infancy to adulthood. It is an intense book, both in terms of its emotional content (some of the case studies are heart-wrenching) and its depth of information. The author really knows her stuff, both from extensive reading of the research literature and from many years of personal experience as a therapist. She covers the various stages of attachment, what kids need to attach well, what happens when the process goes wrong, and what to do to help kids make healthy attachments to their new families. Even if you are adopting an infant and don't expect any problems, this book will help you make the attachment process as smooth as possible. There is also extensive discussion of the issues adoptive kids experience later on, such as the search for identity, fantasies about who their birth parents really were and whether they will be reunited, grief over losing parents, etc. It is ultimately a very positive book, demonstrating that even seriously damaged kids can work through their issues and become happy, well-adjusted adults, and anyone who had a rocky relationship with their own parents will probably find some surprising insights here -- poor attachment can happen in any family. Required reading!

  Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew has given me, a middle-aged adoptee, much information relative to my life. At times while reading, I felt like someone was looking in my window and writing specifically about me. In some cases it gave me words to describe remote feelings. In other instances it went ahead with something I had already begun to understand and led me to my own personal conclusion. It identified my fears and worries and linked them to the specific cause. The book helped me to draw conclusions to thoughts and feelings I felt no one understood. I now have an appreciation for some of the attachments I've made that even I thought were strange; a comprehension that my parents were not equipped to handle and did not even know I had abandonment issues; I know that my birth parents put a baby up for adoption, not me; and I know that my extreme fear of rejection that still pops up from time to time is logical and can be handled. I am so grateful that I received this book as a gift and highly recommend it to anyone who is contemplating adoption or to adoptees. It is very easy to read and understand. I read it cover to cover in two sittings and then went back to take my time and think as I read. A great book. 

  Real Parents, Real Children has been one of the most helpful books I have read on adoption, and as an adoption social worker - I have read quite a few! What I enjoyed most about this book was the in-depth look Holly Van Gulden and Lisa M. Bartels-Rabb took at each developmental stage in a child's life. After learning what all children go through at a particular stage, Van Gulden and Bartels-Rabb then discuss issues that may arise in each stage as related to adoption. This book is a great resource for adoptive parents to determine if their child's behavior is due to their developmental stage or and adoption issue that needs to be resolved. Van Gulden and Bartels-Rabb do not end there! They go on to give practical advice on how to help your child through a tough issue. I appreciate this books honest and professional flavor. I recommend this book to all adoptive parents as a resource that can be used for many years. The earlier adoption related issues can be discovered and worked through, the better for the child and the family. Two other books I highly recommend are "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew" and "Making Sense of Adoption"